There are some mornings…
The alarm rings, eyes are forced open, the body moves,
But your inner self is very silent and it says:
“I am not really up for it.”
You are not being sad.
You do not bury yourself under the blankets.
However, the voice inside your head is there and it keeps saying:
“With all I see, how can I still keep the fire going?”
If you belong to those people who have “too much understanding” of life, that kind of tiredness will probably ring a bell with you.
This article is just made for people like you.
Unseen and untalked about, there is a silent weight:
The more a mind sees, the deeper it gets tired.
. . .
Seeing too much but not really experiencing anything
To a normal mind, life is quite easy:
* Go to work
* Make a living
* Check the phone
* Try something new at the weekend
* And repeat the whole thing again
There is nothing incorrect about that.
However, you are not able to remain there.
The questions in your head keep coming without stopping:
“What is the meaning of this?”
“What is all this effort serving?”
“Do I really want to be here?”
“Why is the system like this?”
You are not just living, similarly, you are observing, analyzing, questioning.
This is why:
* Going to work is not just going to work, it comes with a small existential crisis.
* A breakup is not just a breakup; it brings along 30 questions about human nature, attachment, trauma.
* One simple sentence from someone can be 10 layers of meaning in your brain.
Usually, 1 unit of event = 1 unit of energy.
In your situation, 1 event = 10 units of processing.
So?
Your battery runs out way before the day is finished.
. . .
Your mental browser is always full
Compare your brain to an internet browser.
Normally, a person can have 3-4 tabs open:
“What should I eat for dinner?”
“When is my salary coming?”
“Where should I go this weekend?”
And yours?
“Where is this relationship going?”
“Is the work I do aligned with my potential?”
“Am I really surrounded by the right people?”
“Is there such a thing as justice in this world?”
“Am I wasting my life?”
“Could I build a completely different life somewhere else?”
And you are never completely shutting these tabs down.
In normal life, you take care of your emails, pay your bills, and do the everyday things…
But you are simultaneously dealing with the universe behind the curtain.
Hence, no, you are not lazy. Your invisible place is where you are doing your overtime work. Living on the wrong frequency.
There is also the frequency side to this.
Your brain:
* Analyzes details
* Identifies inconsistencies
* Detects lies
* Experiences emptiness
Most people that surround you:
* Take things for granted
* Help each other to keep secrets
* Tell “don’t overthink it” and continue their way
* Refer to it as “normal” because “everyone does it”
What becomes of it then?
You begin to feel as if you were the only one in the room.
Their normal is what disturbs you:
* Pointless chatter
* Following life plans without thinking
* Acting only to be seen
* Doing the same work that kills you for years
And bit by bit you comprehend:
“I may live in this room, but I don’t think I am from here.”
The feeling of not belonging to this place is like a silent heaviness that sits upon you.
Your body is still here, but your mind is searching for a way out.
. . .
Those who call you lazy are very far from knowing who you really are
One of the deeply thinking things that people hear most is:
“You are very intelligent, but you don’t apply it.”
“You’re lazy.”
“If you only wanted to, you would definitely succeed.”
What they fail to see is that:
You are so preoccupied with figuring out why you are not succeeding,
that you do not have the strength to actually accomplish it.
“Will taking this job be the murder of my soul?”
“Will starting this project truly satisfy me?”
“If I continue this relationship, how much of myself will I give away?”
Most people just take the leap.
While you are drafting 40 scenarios of what could happen if you even think of the edge.
To people around it seems that you are indecisive, slow, and unmotivated.
However, from the inside, the situation is quite the opposite:
You are not slow in taking steps because you are indifferent, actually, you are slow because you are overly sensitive.
You think more = you get exhausted more.
You get exhausted more = people put the label lazy on you.
Those who call you lazy are very far from knowing who you really are. And that puts another layer on top of your exhaustion: guilt.
. . .
Maybe we need to hide away a bitter truth:
The world is not made for minds that are too much aware of everything.
* Default mode: the one who buys what he is told without questioning.
* Who gets the benefits: the most flexible, rather than the most thoughtful.
* Who gets the applause: the one who doesn’t upset the status quo.
And you?
* You can hear events that are contradictory even in one sentence.
* You lose your power when off is feeling in a relationship.
* You feel like your spirit is suffocated by tradework that has no value.
* Your entire self stops functioning when you are faced with a lie.
So no, you are not broken.
The mold that is being forced on you is just too little.
The shoe is small.
Not the foot.
So what now? Are we just going to keep being tired forever?
This tiredness does not necessarily have to be your permanent state of life.
However, there is no magic solution either.
Nevertheless, these aren’t just empty words, these points actually can make a difference:
. . .
1. Stop blaming yourself
The very first thing that you should do is to throw away the sentence:
“I am the one who is wrong, that is why I cannot adapt.”
No.
Parts of you don’t fit the standard mold:
* Too much awareness
* Too much observation
* Too much analysis
Instead of considering this “too much” as a flaw, you have to remodel your life accordingly.
The more you try to fit your mind into a way of life that is not for it, the more you will exhaust yourself.
2. Consciously closing mental tabs
It is not obligatory to think about all things. That does not imply stop caring.
It permits one to decide on what to connect his/her brain with.
You may decide to ask yourself:
“Is it absolutely necessary to think about this today?”
“Can I really do something about this here and now?”
“Or am I just going in circles with the same thought and consequently I am exhausting myself?”
When the response is “no, there is nothing I can do right now”, then you can learn to leave that thought in a waiting room for some time.
It is not running away from the situation. It is taking care of your own battery.
3. Finding the right minds
The major source of fatigue is the experience of being alone in the way of perceiving the world.
If you come across people who think, question, and feel the same as you, then you understand:
“I am not the only one, there are other minds on this wavelength.”
It doesn’t completely fix everything, but it does facilitate the work of the weight.
Because being in need of a solution is not always the case, sometimes it is enough just to know: “Someone understands me.”
4. Small but meaningful moves
Not great revolutions, but rather small decisions:
* Taking yourself out of the conversation that exhausts your energy
* Muting those accounts that do not at all nurture your mind
* Saying no to the things that are draining you but for no obvious reason
* Even if only 10 minutes a day, doing something that you really love
Such small moves gradually change your personality from:
“I am a stranger forced into this life”
To:
“I am a conscious person who is shaping my own space inside this life.”
. . .
Final note: Your exhaustion might be a signal.
Perhaps, your exhaustion is not the proof of:
* Being broken,
* Not being good enough,
* Being lazy.
Maybe it is a sign that the ready-made scripts of this world are too confined for your mind.
Maybe your body is secretly not willing to fully adjust to a system that keeps asking your awake mind to do it automatically.
Do not forget:
Awareness is really very tiring.
But it is also the only way to create a life that really belongs to you.
You are not a weak person because you are tired.
Maybe, actually:
You are way more powerful than you realize, simply because you see this much and you are still here.