When love is blind is often said, it really is one of the most truthful things that people say, although indirectly:
“I knew the fact, but I suppressed it.”
The trouble is not with the eyes, but with the mind that deliberately ignores the inconvenient truth.
So, why is it so? Why even the smartest, strongest, and most analytical people become immature when it comes to love?
Let’s analyze it.
1. Love is a temporary cause of reality distortion in the brain
Love is not only a popular theme in poetry but a major influence on your brain chemistry, as well.
Once you are in love:
* Dopamine (reward, pleasure),
* Oxytocin (bonding),
* Serotonin (mood)
Are all mixed up into one potent cocktail.
What that mixture does:
* It directs all of your attention to the one whom you love,
* It takes their faults and inconsistencies off your view,
It also keeps sending out one signal over and over again:
This person is very important.
Therefore, love speaks to your mind:
See them first. Everything else is detail.
That’s why:
* You interpret red flags as light pink,
* You turn unmistakable words into they didn’t mean it like that,
* You overestimate but they’re wounded inside to explain quite obvious mistakes.
Love isn’t blind; it is your brain that temporarily changes the reality filter to romantic mode.
2. Love is likely to make you fall for your missing piece rather than the person
One of the most painful truths is this:
Most of the time the one you love is actually a mirror reflecting your unfixed inner self.
Which means:
* You become attracted to someone based on the void you have inside.
* If you consider yourself deeply unworthy, you fall for the one who makes you feel special.
* If you don’t feel safe, you are attracted to the one who looks strong.
* If you feel terribly lonely, you become dependent on the one who chooses you.
So love isn’t blind, it’s just that the emptiness inside you obscures your sight.
That person:
* May not actually be the right one for you,
* May be completely different from your character,
* May have a life purpose that is totally different from yours…
But the inner voice keeps telling you:
They complete me.
When that takes place:
* You are not truly seeking compatibility,
* You are simply looking for a patch to fill your inner void.
And the moment you convince yourself that you have found that patch,
you quit your examination of the actual situation.
3. Idealization: We don’t love the person, we love the story
Another reason why people say love is blind is this:
When in love, it is very common that we do not love the person as they are, but the story which we have created around them.
Example:
“They’re such a deep person.”
(Or maybe they are just quiet.)
“They are very proud, that is why they do not text.”
(Maybe they are simply not interested.)
“They did that in order to protect me.”
(Maybe they were just being selfish.)
Your brain continues to write an ideal character by interpreting their behavior in a certain way:
* It redefines their contradictions as strong personality,
* It glorifies their selfishness as wounded soul,
* It rationalizes their emotional absence as they just love differently.
The outcome when?
The person in question may be demonstrating something totally different through their behavior, but inside your head, you are experiencing a totally different show.
Love isn’t blind,
Your inner narrator is just a little too romantic.
4. Fear of being alone makes you close your eyes on purpose
Let’s be real:
It is sometimes not love that blinds you but rather the fear of being alone.
You say to yourself:
“The situation is under control.”
“Everyone makes mistakes.”
“No one is perfect, anyway.”
“Who else could love me in this way?”
Behind those sentences is the truth:
“I see the faults alright, but the thought of being alone frightens me more.”
Your eyes aren’t blind, you’re deliberately not looking straight.
Because what if:
* The relationship is over, and you have to reconstruct yourself all over again?
* You leave, yet you encounter the question, Where did I go wrong?
* If you relinquish, you’ll be thinking: Was I fooling myself all along?
This is quite a heavy load.
Therefore your mind makes a choice without saying a word:
“Allow me to obscure the truth a little bit so that I can continue with the story.”
5. Love as a rescue mission: I’ll save them
For some people, love literally becomes a rescue story.
The character’s thoughts sound like this:
They are so broken, only I can fix them.
If I love them properly, that’s when the change will happen.
Before me, no one could understand them; I am the one.
In that story:
* The other person is a project to be saved.
* You are the chosen rescuer.
The problem is?
It is very rare that projects come to an end.
Simply because:
* They might not actually be willing to change,
* Even if that is the case, they should not be doing it for your sake,
* You might be creating a situation of dependency or giving them more space to take advantage of you rather than completely transforming through your energy.
But the one feeling you cannot let go of is:
“They are not able to live without me. Without me, they would break.”
This feeling doesn’t blind love, it’s like a drug to your ego.
6. Love isn’t blind; your heart practices chosen blindness
I think this is probably the most truthful thing out of all of them:
It is most of the time not the fact that we didn’t see the truth at all.
We definitely saw it. It’s just that we didn’t choose to see too much.
* When they went away without a word for several days,
* When they talked to you disrespectfully,
* When they crossed your limits again and again,
* When they kept you as an option and not a priority…
There was an inner voice that said:
Things here are not normal.
Then another voice came to the rescue:
Don’t overdo it, no one is perfect.
I might be a little too sensitive.
There is no need to make such a fuss.
There wasn’t love blindness;
Your defense mechanisms helped to blur the picture.
Because acknowledging the truth would be painful.
Besides, the mind is, more often than not, playing the role of a truth-avoider to spare the pain.
7. Is conscious love even possible?
As there is that much blindness, the logical next question would be:
Does love necessarily involve blindness?
Not at all.
However, to experience conscious love, certain kinds of awareness are necessary:
* Be aware of your hunger:
Is it real love or are you just being infatuated with one of the following:
* Being loved,
* Being approved,
* Being the savior,
* Not being alone?
* Don’t put a romantic spin on red flags:
Disrespect, manipulation, lies, inconsistency…
These are not strong character, deep mind, or complicated soul.
They are signals.
* Love without losing yourself:
Love is not the disappearance of two people.
Love is two separate, conscious beings who decide to stay together.
What if:
* One of you is forced to give up being oneself,
* The other is expecting you to become smaller,
In this case, it’s not love that you are talking about it’s power.
* Be on your side:
In a situation where you are going against your own values to keep their love, you have already deserted yourself way before they will do it.
8. Three questions to prevent love from blinding you
If love comes, don’t close your heart.
However, keep your mind active as well.
These three questions may be compared to your inner vision test:
1. “Do I love this person as they are, or as I want them to be?”
* This question lets you identify whether you are in love with a tale or a person.
2. “Am I having more moments of growth or more moments of shrinking in this relationship?”
* Genuine love makes you stronger and more mature.
* If it only diminishes you, then it’s not love’s blindness it’s fear.
3. “What am I forcing myself to tolerate in the name of love?”
* The moment you find yourself making excuses, you are also realizing the point of your blindness.
Love is not supposed to blind you/your mind has rights
Love is blind.
Yes, only sometimes.
But to show off that blindness and say:
“If I really love, I must close my eyes to everything,” is neither love nor a very wise thing to do it is self betrayal pretending to be romantic.
Perhaps it would be more correct to say:
“At first love may blur your vision. However, if you still refuse to see afterwards, that’s no longer love’s responsibility, it’s yours.”
You have the ability to love.
You have the ability to love deeply.
You have the ability to love wildly.
However:
* Without abandoning your own self,
* Without fooling yourself by calling truth by another name,
* Without masking your fear of loneliness under the guise of pure love.
Love does not necessarily blind you.
Sometimes it is rather the opposite:
It turns into the very magnifying glass that allows you to see yourself clearly.
The main question is this:
When love comes, will you completely shut your eyes, or will you dare to keep your heart and your eyes open as well?