As I compose this, a very straightforward image is coming to my mind:
On one hand, an article with the title: 10 Ways to Drive Your Partner Crazy in Bed.
On the other hand: Emotional Maturity and Boundaries in Relationships.
You already know which one is getting more clicks.
The thing is that the word sex is the one that activates the brain’s oldest alarm system.
On the other hand, consciousness, teasing the laziest part of the brain, says:
Think. Reflect. Face yourself.
Why is it that sex entice people so easily?
Because sex:
* Pleasure is what it promises,
* It hardly requires any effort,
* It is just at the center of the taboo shame curiosity triangle.
At the very bottom of the mind, deep inside, there are those lower floors that still work with a primitive code:
Hunger, danger, sex… These are the most important things. Look at them first.
So when you put them side by side:
The Frequency of Heaven
vs
7 Mistakes You Make in Bed,
your brain without your consent goes for the second one.
Not because people are stupid or shallow, but because the brain is running on a very old survival software.
The point that matters most is:
Intelligent people are the ones who become aware of that software.
And as soon as they see it, they cease being its victims.
Intelligent people don’t deny or suppress their sexual nature they manage it
Here is a subtle but significant difference:
This is not about:
Intelligent people have less sex.
Rather it is something like:
Intelligent people are more capable of controlling their sexual desire.
In psychology, we understand that impulse control, planning, delaying gratification, long term thinking, etc. are functions that involve the brain’s prefrontal cortex.
The same area is also responsible for what we call:
Problem solving,
Reasoning,
Weighing options,
Predicting consequences.
To put it differently:
The more you are able to look ahead, the more control you have over your right now urges.
So what does a smart person do?
They do not extinguish desire.
They simply come to terms with it.
Questions come up in their mind spontaneously such as:
*Suppose I send this message now, what comes after?
*If I start this secret affair, how will I look myself in the mirror tomorrow?
*If this is just one night stand, what will be the state of my emotions after?
The difference is not that they don’t have impulses.
It is that they possess the capability to:
Intermission = zoom out = grasp a bigger picture = then make a decision.
That intermission is where intellect and self-awareness silently cooperate.
While the crowd is in search of instant pleasure, the tribe is looking for long term harmony
Sex focused content:
* Quickly gives a dopamine hit,
* Consumed quickly,
* And forgotten very quickly as well.
Conscious, mind stretching content:
* Makes one think,
* Sometimes a bit uncomfortable,
* Guilt or resistance may be triggered,
* But ultimately it does plant a seed.
Crowds mostly come for:
* Escaping loneliness just for a minute,
* Getting their ego stroked,
* Feeling desired,
* Getting a little bit of excitement.
On the contrary, a tribe gathers for:
* Self understanding,
* Coming to terms with their relationships,
* Healing patterns,
* Enhancing their quality of life.
This is the reason why crowds are attracted by sex, but these crowds are like river they come and go.
Consciousness is what creates a tribe:
Smaller, deeper, more loyal.
They don’t merely pass by, they stay, mature, and also facilitate your growth.
For a conscious person, sex is not the central idea just one piece of the puzzle
When a person is somewhat self-aware, sexuality becomes:
Not a means to gain status,
Not a way of proving one’s value,
Not a toy to cover inner void with.
It turns into:
One ingredient in the relationship,
One channel to show intimacy,
One side of body mind soul unity.
A clever, conscious person can see this without any doubt:
What will be left if sex is the only way of connection I have with this person?
Therefore they are careful when coming into relationships based solely on attraction.
Not because desire is bad, but because they understand that it is a weak bond on its own.
Should we totally control or suppress sexual desire?
No.
Sex is an essential part of our humanity.
It’s not sex that is the problem.
The problem is when people use sex as their only way to interact.
* A person who nonstop promotes their body on the internet,
* The one who tries to maintain a relationship only through sex,
* The one who talks about sex only to get attention they’re usually coming from the same place:
See me. Want me. Approve of me.
This is the point where the conscious, intelligent person makes a different choice:
*I don’t want people to be in my life only because they are sexually attracted to me. I want those who come because of who I am to stay.
It doesn’t mean that one has to demonize desire.
It just means:
I look at my sexuality through the lens of my values and my awareness.
The fact is that sex will always be used to sell. That is the part that will never change.
Let’s be honest:
Algorithms, marketing systems, and platforms…
They will continue using sex as the hook to attract people.
It is just too successful.
But you on the other hand, still have the power to decide what to do:
* Would you be one of those people who are constantly searching for the next
quick thrill and afterward, wonder why they feel empty?
* Or would you position yourself among those individuals who are
creating a different space where desire, yes, is there but it is not the one that governs all decisions?
When it is stated that smart people control their sexual drive,
we are not, by any means, talking about the repression of desire.
We merely bring into view this inner attitude:
I don’t struggle with my nature. But I am not giving it the control of my whole life either.
Sex has the power to attract.
It can gather a whole stadium full of people.
However, people who are reasonable, who control their urges, and are not short-sighted…
They don’t simply become a crowd.
They grow into a tribe.
A place where people are not only good to each other, but also not just good in bed.
And here is the small, quiet twist:
After you come to a certain point of awareness, even the nature of sex changes to be more profound and authentic.
Because at that point, it is not just momentary physical connection between two bodies it is the connection of two minds, two stories, two levels of consciousness
that choose to unite with each other.