After a breakup, most people have this thought going again and again in their head:
“We broke up that easily, so it must have never been real.”
As if love has to be forever to be real.
As if the breakup leaves no trace of the time you spent together.
The real question should be:
Is the ending to be trusted less or does it signal that you have changed?
It’s true to say that some relationships are merely a facade.
Someone is there, but their intention is something else:
To be accepted, to avoid loneliness, for gain, to boost their ego…
Such relationships exist, undoubtedly.
However, labeling every relationship that ends as fake is just an inept way of the mind to shield itself.
Because the phrase “It was all fake,” implies not only the throwing away of the other person but also your own emotions.
That phrase also quietly reveals:
“Then I must never have really loved. So I can’t even trust myself.”
And when your mind no longer trusts the choices it made,
it’s actually something much bigger than the relationship that is starting to break:
your self respect.
Can something be real and still end?
Yes, it can.
We don’t like this answer, but we have to accept it.
The relationship where you sincerely laughed, were really excited,
truly believed in the connection…
Is still able to end.
Because:
* People change over time.
* Needs change as well.
* Values stop intersecting.
* One person grows while the other one stays where he/she is.
* One person becomes introverted while the other one starts running away.
This doesn’t mean that the feelings you had before were fake.
Your brain wants this to be the last thing written on the page:
“From the very first moment that person must have given me fake love.”
Because there is a much more painful sentence behind it:
“Back then I really loved. And now there’s a closed door over that love.”
The thing we really cannot stand is that closed door.
Not the fact that the past was real, but the finality of the present.
“So I was just being ridiculous.”
When a breakup occurs, the mind enjoys staging this particular play:
“How was I not seeing it?”
“How was I not understanding?”
“I must have been so stupid.”
Not really.
Looking back at those times when someone treated you well,
was kind, made plans with you and said nice things, and saying:
“In those moments, I chose to believe,” is not being stupid.
It’s what being human is all about.
The thing that makes you suffer is not that you were tricked once,
it is that you keep punishing yourself all the time after that.
One relationship ends and you put your heart on a lifelong quarantine.
When the frequency changes, the story changes.
Sometimes what happens is simply this:
* You two were never on the same frequency, your loneliness was the same.
Your lonelinesses held onto each other, and you called it a relationship.
Once those lonelinesses started healing, the bond began to loosen.
Sometimes it’s this:
* One of you started to grow, the other was scared of growing.
One of you went on an inner journey, the other clung to their comfort zone.
And you simply couldn’t meet in the same story anymore.
In that case, the relationship was real for that period of your life, but chose not to adapt to your new frequency.
So the lie wasn’t the love itself, the lie was the lack of courage to continue.
So are there truly fake relationships?
Yes.
Manipulation, self interest, attention addiction, narcissistic games…
Some relationships are built not for you, but for the other person’s empty ego.
It is, however, quite a different thing to separate these:
*Saying, “That person was fake,” is one thing,
* Saying, “Then my love was fake, too,” is something else entirely.
Their lack of authenticity does not make your love unreal.
Perhaps they never truly loved you.
But I bet you really did.
And that doesn’t make you stupid, it makes you a person operating at a higher frequency.
Perhaps the real question is:
If you really ask, “Was this whole relationship fake?”
What you might be really asking is:
“Was all that effort, those emotions and the waiting… a complete waste?”
To that, I would say:
Definitely not.
Maybe that love was not enough to keep the relationship forever, however, it was more than sufficient to make you the person you are today.
It might be the time to put this question in another light:
* Instead of “Was this relationship fake?”
* Asking, “How real was I inside this relationship?”
Not all relationships are ours to keep until death.
They arrive to:
* Initiate a different frequency,
* Reveal a truth,
* And help you grow to your next self.
Afterward, they depart.
It doesn’t mean that they were not genuine.
It means they’ve accomplished their mission.
So…
Once again when your mind shouts, “It was all a lie!” try gently suggesting this instead from your inner self:
“No… What I felt was something real.
And that’s the one thing no breakup can ever take away from me.”
Maybe this is the truest sentence:
Not every relationship that ends was fake.
But every relationship that ends teaches you something very real about yourself.