We live in a world where people love to tell others what they think, especially about matters they hardly understand.
What is even more incredible is, some of these people do not only have an opinion, but even go as far as saying that they are the ultimate holders of the truth.
By the way, we give them the informal name of know it alls.
It’s really interesting how this piece of writing will explain the know it alls phenomenon using both psychological and philosophical points of view and will generically refer to these people as those suffering from the Empty Can Syndrome.
Just look at it: The person who has the most in him is the one who tends to keep quiet about it.
The people who have the least are, on the contrary, the ones who feel the necessity to shout their empty ideas.
The gap between true wisdom and knowing everything
Throughout the philosophical debate, wisdom has never been equated to knowing everything, it has always been connected with recognizing one’s own limits.
The phrase The only thing I know is that I know nothing did not become popular by luck.
Psychological maturity is based on the same premises:
* Being able to say, this is my point of view.
* Allowing the chance that I could be mistaken.
* Not having the intention to correct, but to understand the other person.
The all knowing awakened ones do the contrary:
They consider their own opinion as the absolute truth and call others deluded, asleep or slaves to normality.
It is not a merit, on the contrary, it shows a very limited intellectual capacity and emotional immaturity.
Why do some people feel the need to have the final word on everything?
From a psychological perspective, below this attitude we can find uncover patterns that reflect situations of very different natures, and that rarely exist alone:
1. A sense of worthlessness and the armor of superiority
When someone is constantly reminded of his own worthlessness inside by his sense of self, he may try to neutralize the effect by taking the role of the one who knows better, the awakened one, the only person who sees the truth.
By playing this part, he acquires the feeling of being powerful and respected, even if it is only for a short time.
2. Intolerance of uncertainty
The capacity to say “I don’t know” is based on having a strong inner self.
For some people, not knowing is synonymous with losing control.
This is the reason why they always have to come up with a certain explanation and, at the same time, argue that it is the only correct one.
3. The need for control
Someone who cannot bring his inner world under control
may want to take the reins of the outer world in particular other people’s thoughts.
The sentence “You are thinking wrongly, here is the right way” is in most cases merely the outward manifestation of inner turmoil.
4. Narcissistic fragility
Some people perceive criticism as a direct hit on the self, not just on the idea. Hence, instead of listening, incorporating, or reconsidering, they immediately retaliate:
“You don’t understand.”
“Your mind is rigid.”
“You are still stuck in the norms.”
It is not the dialectic that they want to enhance here, but to shield the ego.
It’s one thing to share a thought, and it is quite another thing to force people to accept it.
Within a sane intellectual environment, we would find that:
* Different opinions could live side by side,
* Criticisms would be aimed at the concept,
* The company would be composed of people discussing the topic and not attacking each other.
However, the all knowing awakened ones behave rather like:
* They brand your perspective as incorrect,
* At the same time, they raise their own version to a kind of higher reality.
And they use a number of ways to achieve this:
* Over generalisation:
“If you say this, then you do not want to understand other people’s feelings.”
“If you use these concepts, what you are really doing is serving your ego.”
* Psychological labelling:
Instead of disputing the idea, they start analyzing you.
As if you were their client, and they were your psychologist.
* Devaluing of boundaries:
When you bring up the topics of respect, tone or boundaries in communication, they are very quick to identify those as ego, norm or rigidity.
At that point, a real conversation is no longer possible.
There is only a one way preaching attempt left.
What are the features of psychological maturity?
In fact, real maturity is quite the opposite of being an expert in every area.
Some signs of it are:
* Having the capacity to admit one doesn’t know something.
* Being open and attentive to a different opinion and still, after the reflection, making the same choice of your view.
* Your own thoughts you defend without putting down the other person’s.
* Not using others as your platform for healing your own wounds.
Mature one:
* Could be radically opposed to the idea of another,
* Would critically evaluate it in a very strong manner,
* Would construct points of view and disassemble the pieces of writing…
But they do not do this:
They refrain from doing this: Without knowing somebody’s background, they do not assume to diagnose his/her life, identity, heart or intention.
As they are aware of:
True wisdom does not result from giving the other role of patient and oneself that of doctor.
Why is it that we should move on from such discussions instead of getting stuck in them?
From a psychological point of view, not every talk can provide nutrients for development.
Some communication:
* Become simply a place where the rivalry between the egos of the interlocutors takes place.
* Are a vicious circle that makes nobody mature they only become exhausted.
With the al knowing enlightened ones, it is usually that we observe:
* Whatever you tell them, they keep you at a position of still not understanding.
* For each sentence you write, they come up with yet another, even more “definitive” version of their truth.
Inside this cycle:
* The more effort you put into keeping your composure,
* The more they may intensify their manner of speaking.
The healthiest choice at this point would sometimes be:
* To present your opinion one time only, in a clear and calm manner,
* To establish your boundary,
* And then to cease.
The silence is not always surrender.
Sometimes it is being able to decide where to use your power.
A note to ourselves: What does genuine respect look like?
Even if the person before us is an empty can, we still reflect in our attitude who we really are.
Real respect is not:
“Everyone must agree with me.”
Real respect is:
“I will not lose my voice in defending what I think.”
Those who forcibly present their own viewpoint, mock others, and label every sentence with a diagnosis:
* Have not come to the point of virtue.
* Are not speaking from a truly mature place.
True virtue means:
* Being able to ask, this is how I see it, how do you see it?
* And even if the answer is not what we expect, not reducing the other person’s existence because of that.
